Glorify God

I hate losing. At anything. I hate it.

Last night I played tennis with a good friend. I love playing tennis, but I hate losing. I lost last night.

Tennis, like golf and practically every sport, is a mental exercise. Staying mentally strong is key to playing well physically.

Last night I was afraid to lose...for many reasons. My play was dominated by fear. I was tentative, worried and therefore made mistake after mistake.

In times like these I wrestle mentally, trying to find a way to "stay strong". But when it comes down to it I am pretty negative towards myself when I play poorly. Some times this frustration can generate focus and therefore good play.

But lately in the midst of telling myself how awful I am playing and what an idiot I am, I've heard a still small voice. "Is this really the way God would want you to talk to yourself; to view yourself?"

Well I know the answer is no but I didn't like that answer so I avoided it. It's easier to hate myself. However, by some divine spark of spiritual revelation...okay, maybe that's dramatic, but I somehow learnt something through listening/praying.

My mental fear tactics while playing tennis, and I believe with many things I/we do, was about me. I finally realized that I'm afraid to lose because it will taint my image of myself; others image of me. I don't want to be seen as a loser. I don't want to be a failure.

But somehow God showed me, I believe, that to form my identity or tennis again around what I don't want to be or around what I am afraid of being is pretty...well, futile. It's not very life giving.

So I believe God gave me an idea. "Why don't you just play to glorify me?" God bugs me sometimes. "But God, if I did that it wouldn't all be about me. And does a recreational tennis game really matter? Can't I just enjoy my self abasement?" "Everything matters," God said. "Glorify me in everything you do. Be the best tennis player you can be. Enjoy my creation. Enjoy me. Then you will glorify me, experience me and enjoy life to the full."

And I have a feeling that it could help me win a tennis game or two =)